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There Is Nothing Like a Nurse (TV series episode)

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M*A*S*H episode
“There Is Nothing Like a Nurse”
Mash-season-3-10-theres-nothing-like-a-nurse-hot-lips-and-hawkeye-kiss
Hawkeye greets Hotlips with a big kiss, much to the chagrin of Frank, when the nurses, who were evacuated because of the possibility of an enemy attack, returned to the camp in "There Is Nothing Like a Nurse" in Season 3.
Season 3, Episode # 10
Number (#58) in series (256 episodes)
Guest star(s) William Christopher
Jamie Farr
Bobbie Mitchell
Jeanne Schulherr
Loudon Wainwright III
Leland Sun
Barbara M. Benson
Network: CBS-TV
Production code: B-309
Writer(s) Larry Gelbart
Director Hy Averback
Original airdate November 19, 1974
IMDB There Is Nothing Like a Nurse
Episode chronology
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(broadcast order)
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(production order)

"Adam's Ribs" (B316)

(broadcast order)

"Private Charles Lamb" (B310)
(production order)

Season 3 episodes
List of all M*A*S*H episodes

There is Nothing Like a Nurse was the tenth episode of Season 3 of the CBS-TV series M*A*S*H, also the 58th overall series episode. Written by Larry Gelbart, and directed by Hy Averback, it first aired on November 19, 1974.

SynopsisEdit

After a run-in with Major Houlihan, Henry is not altogether unhappy when the nurses are evacuated due to a possible enemy attack but soon finds out with rest of the camp just how much the nurses mean to the unit.

Full episode summaryEdit

Nurse Baker gets a little sassy with Frank, so he bellows for Margaret to discipline her. Margaret meets with Henry and wants him to approve one month bed arrest for Baker. Henry tells Margaret he’s fed up listening to the constant squabbles between the major and her nurses, prompting Margaret to give him a good tongue lashing (seen in extreme close-up!) before storming off.

The wandering minstrel, Captain Spalding, is back and he sings a song with Trapper and Hawkeye providing surprisingly smooth backing vocals. The three of them are alarmed to see the nurses’ gear being packed on a truck. Radar informs them the nurses and wounded are being evacuated to a field hospital because an enemy paratroop drop is expected.

Hawkeye and Trapper get in a last grope with their favorite nurses while Frank gives Margaret the gift any woman would be proud to own: an envelope of his hair clippings. Frank tells her they were meant for his mother but he wants Margaret to have them so she can run her fingers through it in case he gets captured or killed. The romantic dog!

The nurses depart by truck, but not before Hawkeye gives Margaret a long kiss goodbye. Klinger tries to stow away on the truck in a mail sack, but he falls off as the truck lurches away. The men drown their sorrows at the O-Club as Spalding serenades them with a maudlin tune about the nurses. Trapper mentions there is a reel of film under Frank’s bunk containing the only pictures in camp they haven’t seen.

Frank calls Margaret at the field hospital, already jealous she might have found another lover. He dementedly tells Margaret if she took another lover, he’d kill both of them and then himself, which Margaret bizarrely finds life-fulfilling. After discovering Hawkeye and Trapper are listening to their conversation on the other line, Frank chases them outside but falls in one of the foxholes he had dug in preparation for the paratroop assault. The captains trap Frank by parking a jeep over the foxhole, then proceed to nab his stashed film.

A viewing party is organized in Henry’s office. The film is Frank and Louise’s wedding and there is no shortage of wisecracks made at Frank’s expense. A very nervous and clumsy Frank ties the knot with a sullen, sour and bespectacled Louise who looks like she’s being led to the gas chambers. Henry says he feels sorry for Frank, who barges into the office screaming an air raid is occurring.

The air raid is Five O’clock Charlie who drops leaflets urging the Americans to surrender. With no attack imminent, the nurses are recalled, the masses celebrate, and Spalding leads a sing-a-long through the camp.

Research notes/Fun factsEdit

  • This is one of  only two of the many Lieutenant Baker characters (not necessarily the same person) to be given a first name--in this case, Janet. 
  • Despite her prominent role in the plot and the number of lines she has, Lieutenant Janet Baker is not credited. We only see her with a mask on and the identity of the actress who played her is unknown.
  • Some internet resources mention Bobbie Mitchell as Baker but this is incorrect as Bobbie Mitchell is specifically credited as Nurse Able. In any case her voice sounds different.
  • Before the nurses leave, Baker and Hawkeye are making out in the supply tent when Baker reminds Hawkeye that he's married. Hawkeye asks her "Who says I'm married?" and she replies "You did." A possible reference to his claim in Ceasefire in order to get out of relationships he had with multiple nurses.

Guests stars/Recurring castEdit

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