Template:Infobox M*A*S*H episode V2
Souvenirs was the 120th episode of M*A*S*H, the 23rd in the fifth season of the show, which originally aired on CBS-TV on March 1, 1977. It was written by Burt Prelutsky from an original story by Prelutsky and Reinhold Weege and directed by Joshua Shelley.
Storyline
Hawkeye and B.J. try to stop a chopper pilot from selling souvenirs derived from war materials picked up from locals facing danger getting them, and Klinger becomes a pole-sitter in his latest attempt to get a Section Eight.
Full episode summary
A batch of wounded include some young Korean kids who were out looking for scrap metal (to sell for money), which leads to a discussion about the curious need for people to collect war souvenirs.
One of the biggest souvenir pushers is a chopper pilot named Chief Warrant Officer Willie Stratton (Michael Bell), who buys a lot of the stuff the kids are risking their lives collecting. While hawking his wares in the Mess Tent, he runs afoul of Hawkeye and B.J., who are disgusted by Stratton's creation of the market that is getting so many kids hurt. Stratton is unimpressed, and walks out.
They ask Col. Potter for help, who gives a lecture in the Mess Tent, all-but-officially banning the buying and selling of such material at the 4077th. Stratton is the only one who seems uninterested in following Potter's "advice."
Later, in the Swamp, an M.P. (Brian Dennehy) arrives, on the trail of an antique Korean vase which was stolen and sold on the black market. The trail leads to Frank, who insists he doesn't know anything about it. Turns out it's a priceless treasure, and owning it is illegal. The M.P. leaves, leaving Frank to chortle uncontrollably.
Margaret also wants something from Frank--a ring she gave him when they were a couple, and now that they're not together, she wants it back. Like the Korean vase, Frank says he doesn't have it, leading Margaret to get drunk in the Officers Club, depressed at how poor a friend Frank is.
Stratton is also in the O-Club, mouthing off to Hawkeye and B.J. about his souvenir trade, which gets Margaret so riled up she punches him out and calmly returns to her drink. This leads to a confrontation the next morning, where Col. Potter admonishes Margaret, saying she can't go around "getting loaded and beating up our officers." Margaret, despite this being from a superior officer, is having none of it, and she says she feels she was justified in her actions. Potter tries to argue his side of it, but she won't listen. Potter gives up, sarcastically saying he's "glad we had this little talk."
Later that night, Frank packs up the Korean vase he says doesn't have, sending it to his wife Louise. Hawkeye and B.J. follow him, remove the vase, and replace it with a bed-pan, returning Frank's dryly-written note to his wife about it being a "priceless object."
Frank catches someone rifling through his stuff in the Swamp, and he attacks the thief. Frank is soon pinned into submission within a few seconds, and thief turns out to be Margaret, who was looking for the ring Frank said he didn't have. She waves it in front of him in disgust. Frank apologizes weakly, but Margaret storms off.
Back in Post Op, Hawkeye and B.J. are disgusted by Stratton's gift to one of the wounded scrap-metal collectors: a cigarette lighter in the shape of a pistol. They drag him outside and demand he stop, but he is unmoved, defiant even.
Hawkeye and B.J. then suggest that Stratton has some vague symptoms that might mean he's very sick, so sick he can't even fly as a chopper pilot anymore. Stratton thinks they're bluffing, but he's worried enough about losing his "wings" that officially agrees to get out of the business of souvenir selling.
Stratton, disgusted, mocks the doctors' noble efforts, pointing out that there are "A hundred other guys out there like me--what are you going to do, change the world?"
B.J. answers, "No, just our little corner of it."
Guest stars/Recurring cast
- Michael Bell as Chief Warrant Officer Willie Stratton
- Brian Dennehy as M.P. Ernie Connors
- Scott Mulhern as Andy Cooper
- June Kyoto Lu as Korean Woman (as June Kim)
- Crandal Jue as Korean Boy
- Alvin Kim as 2nd Korean Boy
Trivia
The Me-TV version has two added parts:
An extended version of Potter, Hawkeye, BJ, and Burns talking to Klinger atop the pole
The original end has Houlihan demanding $15.00 from Burns to erase the inscription inside her ring--he had planned to give it to his wife Louise.
Actor Michael Bell, who plays Willie Stratton, while having an impressive list of live action roles, is far more well known for his long list of animated voice work, including various Smurfs on the 1980's cartoon, Duke from GI Joe: A Real American Hero, and Red Lion pilot Lance in Voltron.