Private Schaeffer in "Fade Out, Fade In" (Season 6)
|Rank:||Private (E-2), U.S. Army|
|Job/Role in Unit:||Patient at the 4077th who impersonates a Captain, a lawyer of the Adjutant-General Branch|
|Hair Color:||Sandy Brown|
|First appeared in:||"Fade Out, Fade In"|
|Last appeared in:||N.A. Single appearance|
|Appeared on/or in:||M*A*S*H|
|Played by:||Rick Hurst|
Schaeffer is an impersonator, and after arriving at the MASH as a patient and meeting Klinger in a nurse's dress, spots an opportunity for a con. He tells Klinger that if he has been dressing as a woman for two years, then he is eligible for a Section 8. He says he knows, as he is a Captain, and a lawyer from the Adjutant General Branch (perhaps he ought to have said Judge Advocate General's Branch).
He takes Klinger to see Potter, claiming to be Klinger's lawyer and demanding that a formal hearing be convened. So later when Klinger to Potter's office and told to bring his "lawyer", naturally he is delighted. Klinger even thinks the M.P.s outside the office arean escort for him.
Inside with Potter, Schaeffer asks where the review board is. "Road apples, private," says Potter. Potter now tells Klinger that Schaeffer is actually a private and has been trying to get his own Section 8 for longer than Klinger has. In his time, Schaeffer has been busted twice and spent four months in prison. He has impersonated a doctor, a bombardier, a tank commander, even a chaplain. Somewhere, "twenty-five couples are living in sin," Schaeffer admits. Potter calls the M.Ps. in to take him away. Schaeffer leaves cheerfully, saying he was once an M.P. too. Klinger is devastated, but Potter consoles him and tells him not to feel too bad--Schaeffer is a pro. "You'll make it some day," he tells Klinger.