Monster M*A*S*H
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Major Arnold Morris appears in the Season 2 episode of M*A*S*H titled "The Incubator". The part of Major Morris is played in the episode by Ted Gehring, who would later appear as Sergeant Rhoden in the Season 7 episode "None Like it Hot".

About the Major[]

Hawkeye and Trapper are frequently stymied in treating patients by the 4077th's lack of an incubator. They lose valuable time sending samples all the way to Seoul, so they set out to see if they can get one. Colonel Blake, who has just received a new barbecue grill from Army Quartermaster, hears from Hawkeye and Trapper that they want an incubator for the lab in Triage, so he gets a Captain Sloan, a representative from Quartermaster, to help him get it. The Captain says no, saying that it would only be a "luxury" for them to have it because, according to the Army, they already have all the equipment they need. They tell him that they will get it anyway, saying they will "part the red tape".

The doctors go to see Major Morris at the 728th Evacuation Hospital, who has to have everything in triplicate, and already has three incubators, but refuses to give any of them up, in the fear one might break, and as he says to them "then I'd only have two."

When Trapper says to him "That's a sick attitude!", he responds "Well, they're mine!" When Hawkeye asks him just to "lend us one. Anytime you want, you can come over and borrow a cup of germs!", he, who is a career Army man, replies, in contempt of the young surgeons "You guys - rich, young draftee doctors all dressed up like drum majorettes."

When they reply "Rich? Some of my patients pay me in kittens!", he then tells them "I never made more than $10,000 a year in my life...I was a pediatrician in a women's prison", as he flatly refuses to lend them an incubator, saying "What's mine is mine!" before he says "I have a solution to the problem...Why don't you guys just salute and get the hell on out of here?"

When Trapper asks him "Who's your commanding officer?", he directs the surgeons to a Colonel Lambert, the base CO. when Trapper asks where they can find Lambert, the Major replies "Nowhere on the base, that's for sure!" When they ask if the Colonel has his own house, Morris sarcastically responds "He's got two of them. One blonde and one brunette."

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