Colonel Wortman, was a character who appeared in the Season 3 episode of the CBS-TV series M*A*S*H titled "Iron Guts Kelly". The part of Col. Wortman was played in the episode by Keene Curtis.
About Colonel Wortman[]
Colonel Wortman is the aide for Lieutenant General Robert "Iron Guts" Kelly (James Gregory), who is one of the most highly decorated generals in the US Army, and a WWI and WWII hero. The Colonel accompanies Gen. Kelly on his visit to the 4077th. Shortly after arrival, they meet Henry Blake in his office where Kelly tells Henry how impressed he is with the fine work of the MASH in looking after his soldiers. They then do a brief tour of the O.R. before going to the Officers Club.
Frank and Margaret join the group in the Officers Club. Kelly is quite smitten with Margaret and she with him. So Kelly sends Wortman off on an inspection of the motor pool with Frank and then retires to Margaret's tent for a little nightcap. Unfortunately, the General dies of a heart attack in Margaret's tent! Margaret, who panics, rushes to the swamp to alert Hawkeye and Trapper, being careful not to waken Frank, who, minutes later, awakens anyway!
Hawkeye and Trapper drag the body to the VIP tent where they Wortman shaving his head. He's shocked to hear of the death, but, wishing to preserve Kelly's heroic legacy, wants to concoct a grand story about the General dying in battle on the front lines. Wortman wants Hawkeye and Trapper to sign a blank death certificate and he will fill in the details. When they refuse to go against their Hippocratic Oath, Wortman pulls rank and threatens court martial. Trapper says, fine, but his hand will be on the Bible - meaning that he will reveal all at the trial.
Defeated, Wortman asks Trapper and Hawkeye to help load the General into an ambulance so he can personally deliver General Kelly to the front and stage his death. Frank watches as Hawkeye and Trapper load the General's body into an ambulance, and then he goes to Margaret's tent to ask her why there are so many weird things going on. As he sits on Margaret's bed, he's pricked by a general's decorative star, but when he questions it, he gets thrown out of the tent.
Meanwhile, Wortman goes to the camp office and wakes Radar and tells him to find a sector where some fighting is going on. At first Radar can't find much fighting, only "lots of diarrhea" but he eventually finds a battle.
Satisfied, Wortman leaves the camp office but before he can get to the ambulance, Igor and Dennis load a bunch of Korean call girls into the same vehicle and drive away. Unable to find the ambulance, Wortman goes to the Swamp to ask where it is. Hawkeye and Trapper, having heard it pull away, assumed it was Wortman driving the ambulance. Frank enters and tells them all the ambulance was full of “floosies”, and that he has arranged for a military police checkpoint to stop the vehicle and have the occupants arrested. Wortman, angry that his plan has gone crazy, storms back into the camp office to try to have the ambulance stopped at the MP checkpoint.
Just as Wortman gets to the office, Henry takes a call informing him there was an ambulance accident outside camp, causing the vehicle to go over an embankment. He learns the Korean girls are OK, but General Kelly has died. Henry's confusion is heightened when Wortman takes the telephone and starts ordering a naval off-shore bombardment, fighter jet attacks, and rockets for a “Star-spangled banner” death for General Kelly! Henry asks Hawkeye and Trapper, "Did I hear right...that he's trying to kill a General who is already dead?" Hawkeye and Trapper confirm that is what Wortman is trying to do. Henry, still confused, responds, "Well, isn't that a little bit crazy?"
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